Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Army life

Army Life: Where do I even begin...I've felt good, bad, heartbroken, angry, sad, alone...can you say mixed feelings?

My husband deployed in 2011, shortly after he left he proposed...over Skype, thats right I said sykpe. It was the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me. I was so excited to be engaged to my one and only and most importantly I was excited to be planning our wedding!

His deployment lasted 9 months, the most dreadful 9 months of my life, I spent hours waiting on phone calls, sleepless nights staying up hoping he would log on to Facebook just so I could say hi and I love you, many nights I fell asleep with my phone on loud laying beside me so I would never miss a phone call or text. Deployments suck!

I've heard it all, from "you chose this life" to "you knew what you were getting into when you married him" to "its never going to last because hes always gone." Most of the comments like these were coming from people who have never experienced this, didn't have one clue as to how it felt. You feel alone, broken like apart of you is missing and theres nothing you can do until hes back in your arms, those 9 months were grueling, my life was a blur the whole time, I felt empty and cold & noone could change that, but for those few minutes I would hear his voice I felt warm inside, alive but when it was time to hang up, reality once again struck, and each time after it got more painful.

As I write this I have tears in my eyes because I remember it like it was yesterday.

My husband was blown up twice, Luckily he survived with minor injuries. I remember not getting a phone call for a week, panicking not knowing what was going on, or if he was ok. Finally he called and told me what happened, I remember breaking down in tears and just thanking god he was ok. I don't know the full details of what happened and I havent asked because as far as i'm concerned hes alive and thats all that matters to me.

Jump forward a few months, its the last month of deployment, I was SO HAPPY, He called me that morning, as he did everyday, but today was different, I felt a feeling so bad that I felt sick. I shook it off not knowing what was gonna happen within the next few hours. Around 5pm that evening I was sitting in my moms room watching tv, my phone beside me as always. I get up and walk outside where everyone else was, I stayed out there for about 5 minutes. When I came back in I saw that I had a missed call from my fiancé, which is weird because he never calls at that time. I start to panic, I text him because he couldn't get incoming calls. I texted him about 10 times and no response. I start to panic even more. Finally after 30 minutes I get a call from him, but it wasnt him, it was his friend. When I heard it wasn't him my heart dropped to the floor, I thought the worst. This man on the phone then told me that my fiance was being taken into emergency surgery, that his appendix had ruptured. I told the man on the phone to please tell him that I loved him and he was going to be ok.

I hung up the phone and I just fell to the floor, crying and praying to god to let my fiance be ok and to make it home to me, that I didnt understand how so much bad could happen to someone so good, after knowing he had been blown up 2 times, now this? I didn't know how much more I could take, much less how much more my poor finace's body could handle. He pulled thorough the surgery and was flown home a few weeks later, I still thank god each and every day for watching over him and keeping him as safe as possible. The appendix rupturing was result to the injuries he had sustained after being blown up.

Now, I know what you all are wondering...what does this have to do with photography? Well, alot actually, the army has changed the way I see life, it makes me realize that nothing is forever and I want to capture the special moments that I can keep not only in my mind but in a book or in a picture. I cherish every moment I have with my little family because you never know when it all can be taken from you.

Tell your loved ones you love them, hug and hold them close and tight, dont ever take anything or anyone for granted!

Monday, January 7, 2013

My journey into photography world....

I want to tell you a little story....a story about how I became a photographer.

When I was 12, my dad bought me my very first camera for Christmas, He had one of his own that I ALWAYS used, I finally asked for one, Christmas morning came around and I ripped open my present, I was so excited. I remember that day like it was yesterday! I took my camera everywhere! Thats when my obsession began. I took pictures of my pets, my family, birds, trees, roads.....ok everything!

This is where the sad part of the story comes in, one day I dropped my camera....yes, I know its devastating! The screen was broken, completely! I was horrified! I no longer had my camera, my tool to use to speak to the world. IT WAS THE WORST THING I COULD EVER EXPERIENCE, for a 12 year old anyway.

Let's fast forward to 2012....after looking for months for a new job at this new place I now called home (Fort Drum, NY), which I hated, I thought to myself...I didn't want a job, I didn't want someone else telling me what to do, when to do it and how, I didn't want to work long hours and miss spending time with my family, yes maybe thats for some people...but it wasn't for me. If you were to ask my parents they would tell you straight forward that I was the worst child when it came to following directions, I'm stubborn and hardheaded. I don't like people telling me what to do, I never have. I finally told my husband I wanted to run my own business, work for myself, I wanted to be a PHOTOGRAPHER! He thought it was a great idea, so we started the process of figuring out how to run a business, what supplies I would need besides the basics, then my journey began!

7 months later here I am, A known photographer in 2 great areas! I never in a million years could have ever thought I could do this, I have grown and have learned so much, made many friends, a few enemies along the way. My Husband, Daughter, & Family are my inspiration, my rock, my will to keep pushing and be a better person & photographer.

I have had so many people ask me how I got so far in such a short amount of time and all I can say is support, hard work, and dreaming big and having the courage and strength to follow that dream. I never let anyone tell me I can't!

Well, thats the short version of my journey into the photography world :) Just remember, keep your head up, follow your dreams and my goodness DREAM BIG!